


absens amicus

by lolwhat (JkWriter)



Series: musical sadness [1]
Category: Dear Evan Hansen - Pasek & Paul/Levenson
Genre: Alternate Universe, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Hurt/Comfort, Implied/Referenced Rape/Non-con, Kidnapping, Recovery
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-07-10
Updated: 2018-07-23
Packaged: 2019-06-08 08:35:01
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 2
Words: 4,744
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15239529
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/JkWriter/pseuds/lolwhat
Summary: jared went missing on a saturday.





	1. Chapter 1

Jared disappeared on a Saturday.

Evan remembered it because they had been hanging out in the park when Jared got a call from his mom. He had to go home because something had happened to his little brother. They walked to Evan’s house first since it was closer. Evan didn’t want Jared to walk home alone. “You worry too much, dude. I’ll be fine.” Jared had said brushing off Evan’s concern. The two of them often made the 20-minute walk between their houses by themselves. Nothing bad happened before but Evan had a bad feeling that day. He begged Jared to stay and call his mom or wait for Heidi to get home so she could drive him. Jared didn’t. He waved bye to Evan, promised to call when he got home, and left. Evan sat by the phone for an hour waiting in the call that would never come. When the phone finally rang he uncharacteristically answered it without hesitation.

“Jared?”

“Hi, Evan, it’s Karen. I take it Jared’s already left then?”

“He left over an hour ago, ma’am. He said he was gonna call when he got home. I’ve been waiting.”

Evan could feel Mrs. Kleinman’s mood drop.

“An hour? Did he say if he was going to stop anywhere on the way?”

“No, ma'am.”

“Thank you, Evan. When he gets home I’ll have him call you.”

Only Jared never made it home. The next day Evan and Heidi were sitting in the Kleinman’s living room while Jared’s parents were talking to police officers. Evan hadn’t said anything since the night before when Heidi got home and told him Jared hadn’t made it back yet. Evan doesn’t remember much about what happened after that. At some point, he ended up upstairs in Jared’s room with Jared’s cat Chex and his little brother. Evan and Jamie sat on Jared’s bed with Chex between them.

“Is Jared gonna come home?” Jamie asked. It wasn’t fair to him. Jamie was only seven. He didn’t deserve to lose his brother so young.

“I think so, yeah.” Evan didn’t deserve to lose his best friend either.

“Hey Evan, will Jared mind if we play Mario Party?”

“As long as we don’t spend his points I think we’re fine.”

Evan let Jamie set up the GameCube. He scratched Chex behind the ear. Jared always claimed that was Chex’s favorite place to get scratches. He wasn’t sure that was the case. Chex usually tried to run away from Jared when he did that. Today Chex just stretched out and laid against Evan’s leg. Evan wondered if Chex could tell something was wrong. Probably. There were a bunch of cops talking to the adults downstairs. One had already gone through Jared’s room. That’s the only reason Evan and Jamie were allowed in there.

Jamie handed Evan Jared’s controller. Evan took it and tried not to cry. The last time he had played Mario Party with Jared was last week. They were in the middle of a fifty turn game when Heidi came to pick Evan up. They paused the game and Jared promised they would finish it soon.

“We can play the story.”

Evan nodded. And then he was at home. Heidi was sleeping on the recliner in his room. They dragged the chair up there a few years ago because it was easier than setting up an air mattress every time Jared came over. Evan carefully got out of his bed and walked to the kitchen. The clock above the oven read “12:16”. It was dark outside so it was likely morning, but everything felt dark even with the lights on. Or were they on? Evan didn’t remember turning them off. He was certain they were on when he walked into the kitchen.

“Evan?”

Evan dropped his mug. He didn’t remember making tea. The mug shattered and the tea was cold. The clock read “7:38”.

“Mom, I’m scared.”

Heidi wrapped her arms around Evan. She held him close. They stood in the kitchen until Heidi led Evan away from the broken mug. She had him sit down on the couch. Heidi tucked a blanket around Evan and left him. She came back with a new cup of tea. It was hot. Evan burned his mouth but he kept drinking it.

“Evan, sweetheart, what’s wrong?”

“Is Jared dead?” Evan blurted out. “Oh my god, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have asked that. Of course, he isn’t. Right? Mom, please tell me Jared’s not dead.”

Evan was crying. Heidi was next to him on the couch. She took his tea and set it down on the coffee table. She pulled Evan so he was leaning against her. Evan hid his face against her shoulder and cried. She rubbed his back and let him cry until he couldn’t anymore.

“Jared’s not dead, honey. They’re going to find him. I promise.”

Evan didn’t believe her. If Jared wasn’t dead then he’d be at home trying to scratch behind Chex’s ear. He’d playing Mario Party with Evan and claim that Evan was cheating when he started losing. He’d be marathoning Code Lyoko with Jamie for the sixteenth time.

“I told him not to go. I told him to call his mom or wait for you. He didn’t listen to me. Mom, why didn’t he listen to me?”

“It’s not your fault, Evan.”

“I should have stopped him. I had a bad feeling and I didn’t stop him.” 

“Evan. Evan, I need you to look at me.” Heidi tilted Evan’s chin up so he was looking in her eyes. “It was not your fault. Jared wouldn’t want you to beat yourself up over this, okay?” 

Evan didn’t think that was quite true. Jared would probably be mad that Evan let him go missing. Evan blinked and he was at the police station. He couldn’t remember leaving the couch. 

“Evan, we know these past few days have been hard for you.” Days. He said days. Had it really been days since Jared went missing? “We’re going to show you some pictures, okay? Let us know if any of them stick out to you.” 

That didn’t sound hard. Evan could do this. It was going to help them find Jared. He nodded. 

The first picture they set down was of the park Evan and Jared liked to frequent. Evan carefully looked it over. He didn’t know if he was supposed to see something. They hadn’t said anything about something being off but that hadn’t said something wouldn’t be wrong either. 

It continued like this. They would show him a picture and he wouldn’t see anything wrong. Evan was getting frustrated with the lack of progress. He was supposed to be helping find Jared. This wasn’t doing anything. 

“Alright Evan, this is the last picture. A mother at the park was taking photos of her child and gave them to us. ” 

Last? How could it be the last picture? He hadn’t given them anything. Were they supposed to find Jared with the nothing Evan provided? He wanted to cry because he was useless. Jared was missing and Evan couldn’t even help the police find him. 

The picture was like the others. It was of the park and nothing seemed out of the ordinary. Evan saw him and Jared in the background of the picture but the main focus was on a child climbing the jungle gym. They were wearing the clothes from Saturday. 

Evan couldn’t breathe. He pushed away from the table and fell out of the chair. Someone was by his side. Jamie was. When did he get here? Evan didn’t have time to think about it. He didn’t have time because Jared was missing and Evan was remembering. 

“Jared and I know all the parents at the park. The man on the right isn’t one of them.” 

His mom came back at some point. So did the Kleinman’s. They had brought Jamie in to make a statement when Evan started panicking. His mom called it a panic attack. She took him to the doctor and then to a therapist. Dr. Sherman said it was likely a result of his developing anxiety and a traumatic event. Said traumatic event was Jared’s disappearance and Evan’s realization that the reason Jared was missing was likely the man who had been watching them at the park. 

Evan spent the next few weeks locked in his room. He had more panic attacks. A lot of them. Dr. Sherman gave him medication that helped. His mom took a lot of time off work too. She spent a lot of time with him. When she wasn’t she was at the Kleinman’s. Evan usually tagged along. With everyone’s attention on Jared’s disappearance, they kept forgetting about Jamie. Evan didn’t blame them. They were trying to find their missing child. Evan made sure Jamie was doing okay. They played video games together, usually in Jared’s room. They were careful not to mess anything up. Both knew Jared would get mad if he got back and his room had been disturbed. (Evan was losing hope on Jared coming back. He watched Investigation Discovery. He knew the statistics. He didn’t tell any of this to Jamie.) 

School ended. Suddenly Evan was a high schooler. He had never started a new school without Jared. From preschool to middle they had always gone together. He spent the summer at home. His dad tried to get Evan to visit and his mom even got in on it but they gave up quickly. Evan didn’t want to leave town. He had to be here if--when they found Jared.   
Jamie came over. A lot. Jared and Evan were usually his babysitters. Evan had trouble walking past the Kleinman house. He had a panic attack every time he got near their street. Mrs. Kleinman dropped Jamie off every morning on her way to work. She tried to pay Evan for watching him but he refused. Evan didn’t need the money, not like they did. Because when Jared first went missing the Kleinman’s stopped working. They fell behind in everything and the Hansen’s were the only reason they hadn’t lost anything. Jamie didn’t know this and Evan wasn’t supposed to know but he’s quiet and really good at eavesdropping. 

Summer ended far too quickly. Evan nearly had a panic attack when his mom dropped him off the first day. Everything was too much. But it also wasn’t enough. He spent the day zoning in and out. He cried during lunch. Connor Murphy had been staring at Evan cry. Evan never talked to Connor. He doesn’t know why. Jared never talked to Connor and Evan never talked to anyone Jared didn’t so he would have to ask him. Except he couldn’t because Jared wasn’t there. 

_Jared wasn’t there._

It was late-August. Connor started sitting with Evan during lunch. So did Alana Beck. The two of them talked a lot about books and philosophers Evan had never heard of. They shared an English class. Mrs. C. liked to assign group work. She always let the three of them work together. Probably because anyone else would have taken advantage of Alana’s brain, Evan’s politeness, and Connor’s spite. They didn’t take advantage of each other. It worked. 

In September they were assigned a project. They had a list of topics to choose from and one stuck out to the whole class. Jenna Rolan was the one who pointed it out.

“Mrs. Caldwell, isn’t human trafficking a bit messed up after what happened?”

“Oh! This is last years list I meant to take it off. Everyone please cross it out and choose one of the other topics. Let me know when you’re group has decided.” 

Evan stared at the list. Connor and Alana were working their way through the topics. 

_Water Conservation._   
_Global Economy._   
_Worldwide Gun Control._   
_**Human Trafficking.** _   
_Forest Conservation._   
_The Bill of Rights._

“Evan? We’re thinking about forest conservation. What do you think?” 

Evan looked up. Connor and Alana were staring at him. He opened his mouth before his mind had a chance to catch up.

“I want to do human trafficking.” 

“What?” 

Evan swallowed and spoke again.

“I want to do human trafficking.”

“You heard Mrs. C. She meant to take it out.”

“Jared was my best friend. I spend days with his family because they can’t stay at their house sometimes. I want to do it.” 

“I’ll uh, I’ll go tell Mrs. Caldwell.” 

Alana stood up. Connor looked at Evan.

“Are you okay?” 

“Not really. My best friend is probably dead. Or a sex slave. I’m never going to see him again. I couldn’t help him but he doesn’t have to be another statistic.”

“Wow. I don’t really know how to respond to that.”

Alana came back.

“Mrs. Caldwell said that if we really want to do it we can. She said not to share any sensitive material about Jared’s case if we do.”

Evan pulled out his laptop and started their document. He blinked. 

It had been five months. 

Jared was dead. He had to be. Evan did research. Only 57% of child victims taken by a stranger are returned home alive. After five months of him being gone Evan had finally lost hope. His mom was home more these days. He guessed the situation finally hit the both of them. Evan liked spending the time with her even if he hated how it came to be. 

“How was school?”

They were sitting across from each other at the table. For years it hadn’t been used as a table Evan had helped her clear it off before school started. Now he did his homework and even ate dinner there. 

“It was alright. Connor, Alana and I are doing a project on human trafficking.” 

“Oh. That’s uh, nice?” 

“We had a list of topics to choose from. Mrs. C. said she meant to take it off after what happened but we wanted to do it. Alana said we should be allowed to because it’s personal and stuff.” 

“I’m sure you’ll do wonderfully.” 

“Yeah. We’re doing a paper and a presentation. Connor said he’d handle the presentation if Alana and I did the paper.” 

The phone rang. Heidi had a “no phones at the table” rule. Evan never broke it but she frequently did. Usually because it was Mrs. Kleinman calling. Evan didn’t say anything when she got up. He didn’t mind. They were still adjusting to their new life. Heidi and Evan had to deal with losing someone before, granted it wasn’t nearly as bad as their loss. 

“Hey, Karen. How are you?” Evan poked his spaghetti. He never liked spaghetti when he was younger. He thought they looked too much like little worms. “Karen, Karen you need to calm down I can’t understand you. What’s happening?” Evan looked over at his mom. “Oh my god. Oh my god. We’ll be right there. Karen, deep breaths. You’re not going to be any help to him like this. I know it’s hard, but try for him” 

“Mom?” 

“Do you need us to bring anything?” Evan was worried. Did something happen to Jamie? He didn’t think the Kleinman’s could take another heartbreak. “Alright, thirty minutes.” Heidi hung up the phone. And then she started crying. Something was definitely wrong. 

“Mom?” Evan pushed away from the table. Heidi looked over at him. 

“Evan, oh Evan. They found him.” 

“Found who?” 

“Jared. They found Jared. He’s alive.”


	2. Chapter 2

Evan hovered in the doorway. Was he supposed to go in? He wanted to but he didn’t know if Jared would want to see him. He wanted to see Jared. He wanted Jared to tell him that this had been one big practical joke and he had spent the last five months exploring Japan with a distant cousin he had never mentioned before. He wanted Jared to tell him everything was fine. He wanted Jared to be okay. 

“You don’t have to stand there. You can come in.” A tired voice called out. 

Evan took the invitation. He walked into the room and saw Jared for the first time in months. Evan felt his heartbreaking because Jared looked so small. Before he always had this confident demeanor. He held himself high and tried to make his presence known. Now he looked so small. He was burrowed under blankets but Evan could see all the machines hooked up to him. 

“Hi,” Evan said. He berated himself for not thinking of something better. He hadn’t seen Jared in months and the first thing he said to him was “hi”. 

“Whatever’s going through your mind, stop it.” 

“What?”

“Don’t ‘what’ me. You were doing that thing where you overthink everything. Stop it.” 

“Sorry.” 

Jared dramatically sighed. He also tried to sit up but fell back down against the mattress. He looked frustrated. If it was possible for Evan’s heart to break anymore it would. 

“Wanna be a bro and help me?” 

Evan didn’t want to hurt Jared. He also didn’t want Jared to stay trapped against the mattress in a way he was uncomfortable. Evan could call for a nurse but Jared was still struggling to move. It would be easier for everyone involved if he just helped Jared himself. So he did. The two of them managed to get Jared sitting up. Evan had to prop three pillows behind him but Jared seemed content with the new position. Evan wasn’t because it meant he got a better view of Jared. Jared, to put it in the nicest terms possible, looked absolutely terrible. He was pale, skinny, and had bruises all over his arms. Evan guessed that there were lacerations under the bandages he was wrapped in. His wrists were pretty heavily bandaged. He didn’t want to think about the implications of those. 

“No need to be so silent, my dude. Talk to me.” 

“What do you want me to say?”

“Anything. Everyone’s been so quiet and it’s annoying.” 

“Sorry.” 

Jared threw a pillow at Evan. It didn’t go very far. It hit Evan’s arms and then flopped to the ground.

“Stop apologizing. Tell me about school. What have I missed?” 

“Not much. Dustin Kropp got suspended for locking Rich Goranski in a closet. Alana Beck was elected as Class President. Connor Murphy’s been sitting with me at lunch. Brooke Lohst has been adopted by Chloe Valentine.” 

“Wait wait wait. Back that up. Connor Murphy has been sitting with you?” 

“Uh, yeah I guess. I think he felt bad because you’re my only friend and Dustin said you were missing because you had gotten tired of me and ran away to Mexico. I cried. Then Dustin was shoved in a locker. I’m pretty sure Connor did it.” 

“Well look at you, making friends while I’ve been gone.” 

“I don’t know if I’m friends with Connor. I want to be, but I think he really just pities me.”

“I’m sure that’s not true. You’re probably overthinking things again.” 

Evan didn’t respond. He didn’t know how to. He also didn’t know how to propel the conversation forward and judging by Jared’s demeanor, he didn’t either. They stared at each other in silence until Evan started crying.

“What are you doing? Evan, Evan stop. Please don’t cry. Evan no.” 

“I’m sorry. I don’t know why I’m crying.” He did. He was crying because he had finally come to terms with the fact that he was never going to see Jared again when his mom called from the hospital. 

“Wow, I really want you to stop crying then. You can’t cry without reason. That is banned in this household.” 

“We’re not in a house.” 

“Idc, still banned.” 

“Jared, you can’t just use acronyms in a verbal conversation. If you can ban me crying then I’m going to ban that.” 

“Damn, Hansen. You’re driving a tough bargain.” 

Evan tried to smile. Jared didn’t want him to cry so he wasn’t going to. Except that he was. He wasn’t sobbing, just crying silently, so he figured that it was alright. Jared didn’t seem happy about it but he wasn’t complaining. 

Evan sat down in the chair that was shoved in the corner. The hospital room was small. It seemed like everyone in town had sent Jared flowers, Evan had to move them against the wall so he could continue to silent stare at Jared. 

“So…” 

“So?”

“You gonna tell me ‘told you so’?” 

“Why would I do that?” 

“Well you told me not to walk home and I did anyway. You should hate me for disappearing.” 

“Jared, no. No no no. I could never hate you, especially not for what happened.” 

“You should.” 

Jared was crying. Evan once again felt his heartbreaking because Jared wasn’t supposed to cry like this. Jared was supposed to be happy. He was supposed to be telling Evan not to cry because crying is what Evan does. Evan felt helpless. He didn’t know how to handle his own tears. How was he supposed to help Jared? 

“Please don’t cry. Crying is banned, remember?” Evan stood next to the bed. He grabbed Jared’s hand and held on. 

Jared kept crying. Evan also started crying. Their parents found them half an hour later clinging to each other and crying. At some point, Evan had ended up in the bed with Jared. Evan expected Heidi to kick him out. He was certain he wasn’t supposed to be in the bed with Jared. She didn’t. She smiled sadly at the two of them. Evan felt like that was worse. 

“Jared!” 

Jamie pushed himself past his parents. Evan went to get out of the bed but Jared’s hand on his arm stopped him. 

“Stay, please.” 

Evan nodded and settled back down. Jamie stood next to the bed, gripping the railing. 

“Are you okay?” 

“Pretty good. The room’s a bit too flowery for my liking but I’ll live.” 

“We can take the flowers home! There’s a bunch in the living room. I wanna sort them by color but mom wants them done by genius.” 

“Think you mean genus, but genius works too. After all, I am the genius in our family.” 

Jamie didn’t catch on to the not-insult. He kept rambling. Jamie was dropped off at the Hansen household last night for Evan to watch while his parents and Evan’s mom went to the hospital last night. It was his first time seeing his brother in months. 

“Evan and I played Mario Party while you were gone. We didn’t spend your points. We got you a bunch though. I beat him at Pagoda Peak. When you get out can we play Mario Party? I miss playing with you.” 

Mrs. Kleinman stepped forward and put a hand on Jamie’s shoulder. “Calm down, sweetheart. Jared needs to rest right now.” 

“Oh, right. Sorry, Jared.” 

“Chill. He can be excited. I’m fine.” 

Jared didn’t look fine. He looked the complete opposite of fine. Evan didn’t say anything. It was obvious Jared was trying to pretend he was better than he was for Jamie’s sake.

Evan saw Heidi straighten her back. She was putting on her nurse face. “Jared, honey, the police would like to ask you a few questions if you’re up for it.” 

“Oh. Uh, sure I guess. That’s fine.” Jared was tense. Evan grabbed his hand again. 

“We can leave if you would like.” 

“Can Evan stay?” 

“If you want Evan to stay I’m sure they’ll let him. Should I let them in?” 

Jared shrugged. Heidi ushered everyone out of the room leaving them alone again. 

“Are you sure you want me to stay?” 

Jared shrugged again. “You’d find out what happened eventually, might as well hear it from me.” 

Evan wasn’t convinced. Jared was doing the whole “ I don’t care thing” that he only did when he really cared about something. Jared didn’t want Evan there. He probably didn’t want anyone there. Evan took Jared’s hand again and squeezed. They were going to be okay. 

\---

Jared spent three weeks in the hospital. Evan spent most of the first week by Jared’s side. After Jared spoke with the police about what happened Evan couldn’t leave him. It got to the point where his mom started bringing him a change of clothes every day she came into work. By the second week, he had to return to school. Evan promised to visit after school and he did. Every day he would ride the bus to the hospital. By the end of the week, Connor was joining him. Evan half-expected Connor to leave the second news spread about Jared’s return but he didn’t. So Evan started bringing him. As it would turn out Jared and Connor had a lot in common. Evan was honestly quite frightened by what they could do. 

The third week Alana brought a months worth of classwork. By then the hospital room had been cleared out enough so that Alana and Jared could comfortably work on catching up while Evan and Connor silently did their own homework on the other side of the room. They would stay at the hospital with Jared until visiting hours were over. If she was working Heidi would drive them home, other days Alana’s dad picked the three of them up, but for the most part, it was Connor’s mom who would drive them all home. Connor looked embarrassed the first time she picked them up. She kept asking Evan and Alana questions about themselves. Evan was grateful for Alana’s ability to talk for hours on end. She was able to hold Mrs. Murphy’s attention and Evan had to answer limited questions. 

They transitioned to Jared’s house when he was released at the start of the fourth week. Evan had skipped school to help the Kleinman’s which meant Connor also skipped school. It was Connor’s first time in the Kleinman house and he spent most of the time looking around. Jared did the same thing except he was trying to find something out of place. 

“Five months and Jamie managed to not destroy my room. I’m impressed.” 

Evan helped Jared get into bed. Connor poked around at things on Jared’s desk. Jared picked up a “get well bear” he had bought himself and threw it at Connor. 

“He didn’t come in here much without me. Didn’t want you to get mad.” 

“Well fuck, why can’t he be like that when I’m here.” 

“That’s a bad word, Jared.” Connor tossed the bear back on the bed. He sat in Jared’s desk chair and started spinning. “Can’t believe you would use that language around Evan.” 

“Oh shut up, Murphy. Don’t think I didn’t hear you naming every curse word you know last week.”

“I was doing that while you were supposed to be studying with Alana. I’m telling her you aren’t paying attention to your lessons.” 

“We were taking a break you fuck. I win.” 

Evan ignored Jared and Connor as they exchanged insults. He had grown used to this behavior from the two of them. The insults weren’t anything bad, just playful jabs at each other. Jared usually cracked a smile first. 

He pulled out his phone. Heidi had texted him asking how Jared was doing. He responded that he was alright and sent her a picture of Jared sitting on his bed with a pillow clutched in his hands ready to throw. Jared looked much better than he had in the hospital. He was still really skinny but the doctors said that would take time. Jared had been starved during his captivity and wasn’t keen on eating. Most of the bruises had faded from dark purple to a yellowish-green color. His wrists were still covered in bandages. But he looked better. It was a start. 

“We should play Mario Kart. Or Halo. Wait, no. Warcraft. Evan, get me my laptop.” 

“What’s Warcraft?” 

“GASP. Evan, get my dad’s laptop too. We’re teaching Connor the wonders of Warcraft.” 

Evan left the room to get the laptops. When he came back Jared and Connor were arguing.

“No. We are not playing Alliance. Horde is where it’s at.” 

“You said red or blue, I chose blue.” 

“If you play Alliance I’m going to find you and kill you.” 

“You can’t ask me to pick something and then no honor what I pick.”

“Really? Because that sounds exactly what I did.” Jared noticed Evan standing in the doorway. “Evan! Tell Connor we’re making blood elves.” 

For the first time in six months, Evan thought things might actually be okay.

**Author's Note:**

> im not 100% on this writing style but i wanted to try something different  
> i also wanted more jared angst  
> thus this was born


End file.
